Acting with Intention
December 14, 2024
I have recently noticed that many of my actions lack intention. This is especially true for the stuff I do in my free time. A lot of the things I do are reactionary — a feeling of boredom compels me to do something just to pass the time.
It’s easy to see why this is problematic if you consider actions where the intention is clear. I think making breakfast is a good example of this. When you open the fridge to get the ingredients for cooking, your final intention is obvious — you want to eat. If you go through the motions of making breakfast but in the end it’s not there or you don’t eat it, then something obviously went wrong. You’ve wasted food and time, which could’ve been better spent doing other things.
Now let’s use this analogy to examine a common pastime such as reading a book. I was reading yesterday before bed, yet I had no defined intention other than the generic “read a book.” What have I gained by reading it? Unfortunately, not much. Don’t get me wrong! I enjoyed it and may have even learned a few random things, but it would’ve been so much better if I went in with a specific goal, like learning the history of geology, for example. The book covers that, but because it was not my intention to learn about this specific topic, I didn’t really focus on it (or anything else for that matter), and if you ask me to tell you about the contents of the chapter, my answers will be superficial and unstructured.
Having an intention forces you to approach things in a more conscious way. When you know what you want to achieve and take action towards that goal, you will naturally try to evaluate your progress, which in turn makes the experience qualitatively better. If I want to learn about the history of geology, read the book, and then realize that I don’t remember anything, I will know that my goal was not achieved. If I’m not lazy, I will reread the material and maybe even take notes this time. I think it’s fair to say that reading this way is a more rewarding experience. The same logic can be applied to all kinds of other actions as well. Going to the gym? Formulate a goal that you want to achieve during the session. The goals don’t have to be complicated. Even a simple “I want to get my body moving” is enough as long you know why you’re doing what you’re doing and not just acting on autopilot. All actions should be intentional; otherwise, you’re wasting potential.
What I learned going back to college at 26
October 20, 2024
Last year I decided to go back to college and finish my degree. I’ve been thinking about how it makes me feel and what I learned from the experience, so here are some of my thoughts on that.
It feels lonely
I did expect this when I went back to college, but that didn’t make it any easier. I catch glimpses of a rich and exciting college experience, but can't fully partake in it. My classmates and I are at different stages of life, so socializing with them outside an academic context always feels awkward. College life is stripped to its bare essentials: going to classes (when work permits) and taking exams. There are no dorm parties, game nights, or all-night study sessions with your buddies. There are interest-based student clubs, but they naturally schedule their activities around the typical student's life, and having a full-time job means that you’re missing most of the events. I miss the sense of camaraderie during my time at the maritime academy and hope that I will be able to replicate at least a fraction of it in the next few years.
Not going to college is not that big of a deal
Back when I was 17, getting into a good college was THE challenge. The pressure was enormous, and I remember being suicidal, stressed, and confused during my senior year of high school. I think the reason for this is that I didn’t have many achievements on which to base my self-worth. I wasn't involved in any sports and didn’t have any grand projects to be proud of, so the only way to assess whether I was succeeding in life was through academic means: If I get into a prestigious school, then I’m good. If I don’t, then I’m a failure. Fast-forward 10 years, and I now realize that, though a bit harder, it is absolutely possible to live a good life without a college degree. I already have a great job, a wife, an apartment, and enough money to live comfortably. Going to college doesn’t seem like this big life-defining decision now, but more like an instrument to achieve specific goals, which I think is a much healthier mindset.
Having time to study is a privilege
I know I said that not going to college is okay, but if you’re 17 and reading this – please go. Not because you’ll fail in life if you don’t, but because the next time you’re going to get a chance to fully concentrate on studies is probably when you’re retired. You don’t know just how fucking lucky you are if you don't have to work. How I envy my classmates who can spend 8 hours a day studying, and how foolish I was not to appreciate this when I was younger. In most cases, going to college later in life means you have to study after a full day of work, and even that time is not guaranteed, since you have other responsibilities to take care of. It doesn't take a genius to recognize that studying is much harder this way, so don’t repeat my mistakes. You’ll always have time to work, but the same can’t be said for studying.
Surfing
September 28, 2024
I tried surfing when I was on vacation in Bali.
People warned me that it could be dangerous, and they were right. Surfing is dangerous. It’s one of those things that consumes you and makes you reorganize your life around it.
I had a grand total of four sessions, and it took just one to become addicted. Seriously, don’t try it. You might be living a content, stable life in your beautiful (and landlocked) country, then you try surfing once, and voilà — you’re in a constant state of dissatisfaction. No matter what you do, there’s always an “I’d rather be surfing” in the back of your head.
You start wasting your days watching surfing videos on YouTube, hoping it will help your withdrawal syndrome (it doesn’t). You spend hours researching the possibility of surfing the Caspian Sea (it’s easier to go to Bali). You entertain the idea of building a wave pool somewhere near Almaty (too expensive).
Finally, you accept your fate and submit to the realization that you have to move somewhere with waves. I am at this stage now. So, when in a couple of years you are forced to read my rants about the hardships of being an immigrant, don’t blame me — blame surfing.